Yesterday, I had a heart-to-heart with a friend who’s just come out the other side of a divorce. At 51, with two children still in secondary school, her journey has been far from easy. The relief on her face was clear—she was glad the legal part was finally over. But at the same time, she felt profoundly sad, knowing that a huge chapter of her life had closed. She spoke about being both excited and terrified to face the future on her own. That’s the thing about midlife divorce—it’s a complicated emotional ride.
This morning, I found myself thinking about our conversation over a cup of tea. Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster for everyone involved. In midlife, it shakes everything up, but there’s also the opportunity for a fresh start. With more people over 50 getting divorced these days, understanding the emotional journey is essential for finding your footing again.
In my view, there are 3 emotional stages of divorce:
1. Endings: Divorce marks the end of a significant chapter. You’re left juggling grief, relief, and often, a whole lot of confusion. It’s completely normal to mourn what’s lost while still feeling hopeful for what’s next.
2. The neutral zone: This is the “in-between” stage. After the dust settles, you’re in limbo. It’s a time of introspection and self-discovery, where you start to redefine who you are and what you really want in life.
3. New beginnings: Finally, you reach the point where you’re ready for new adventures and opportunities. Whether it’s discovering new hobbies, friendships, or even career goals, this stage is all about renewal and embracing change.
Divorce, especially at midlife, often feels like a profound loss. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s well-known stages of grief give some insight into the emotional waves many people experience during and after the process:
- Denial: For those blindsided by the split, denial is common. It can feel surreal. But leaning on friends, family, or a therapist can help you face the reality of the situation.
- Anger: Anger and resentment often follow. That’s completely normal. The trick is finding healthy ways to release those feelings—whether it’s through exercise, journaling, or creative outlets.
- Bargaining: During this phase, it’s tempting to try to “fix” things—making promises to your ex or hoping to turn back time. But in reality, it’s about moving forward. Focus on setting boundaries and putting yourself first.
- Depression: Divorce can trigger deep feelings of sadness and loneliness. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings and seek support if you’re struggling.
- Acceptance: Finally, you reach acceptance. This is the moment you begin to embrace your new life, and start focusing on self-care and joy.
While divorce in midlife is undeniably tough, it also offers a powerful opportunity for growth. Navigating these emotional stages with an open heart and mind will help you build resilience and rediscover yourself. It’s not easy, but in time, you’ll find peace—and maybe even excitement—about the future ahead.
So, here’s to embracing the emotional rollercoaster, and finding hope on the other side.
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