Is it a midlife crisis, or just a phase? What can I do to handle the symptoms? And when does it end, anyway? Perhaps most importantly, if someone close to me is going through it, how can I support them? If these questions are on your mind, you’re not alone. Whether you’re in it yourself or just curious, here’s some help for anyone experiencing a midlife crisis.
1. Do I have a midlife crisis?
A few years ago, I found myself in a place I never expected to be. Life wasn’t turning out the way I’d always imagined. In my darkest moments, I questioned my entire existence and all the choices that I’d made. Had my life really mattered? For instance, my alma mater had invited me not once, but three times, to pursue a PhD. What might I have achieved if I’d said yes? Or what if I’d stuck to my original dream of studying law and becoming a human rights lawyer? Instead, I chose economics and ended up in market research. Once I hit my 40s, helping companies sell more chocolate and soft drinks didn’t feel as big and meaningful to me as searching for a cure for cancer. And I say that with all the love and respect for market researchers everywhere!
It wasn’t all doom and gloom, though. Sure, despair came in waves, but I always managed to return to gratitude. I had a loving family, healthy parents, a solid job with wonderful colleagues, and a few close friends who had my back. Life wasn’t bad, by any means.
And yet, I kept asking myself: What is a midlife crisis, really? Why is midlife so often linked with crisis? Could it actually be a time of opportunity instead of struggle? Could it just be a season of change—a pivot (thanks, Ross!)—from past to future? Most importantly, how do we navigate it and come out stronger on the other side?
Is a midlife crisis real?
The question of whether a midlife crisis really exists has been a hot topic among scientists and researchers, with plenty of disagreement along the way.
- In 1965, Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques introduced the term “midlife crisis.” He noticed that people in their late 30s to mid-40s seemed to experience a period of depression and sudden lifestyle changes as they realised that life isn’t infinite. Jaques first observed this in artists, whose creativity seemed to shift or stall around this time, as they wrestled with what they’d achieved versus what they still hoped to accomplish, all while facing the reality of aging. Although his observations focused on creativity and psychoanalysis, this idea of a midlife crisis being a biological certainty caught on, sparking decades of research into midlife and its challenges.
- Later studies revealed a fascinating pattern when it comes to happiness or life satisfaction: it follows a U-shape. In our late teenage years, happiness tends to be high, but gradually drops and continues to decline into the 40s. But here’s the plot twist: in our 50s, happiness starts to rise again. We become happier! This U-shaped trend has been confirmed by studies involving over half a million Americans and Europeans. In fact, people in their 60s report feeling happier than ever, while those in their 40s are at their lowest point of happiness. This emotional curve is telling: in our younger years, life’s excitement can keep our spirits high, but the pressures and responsibilities of adulthood can bring us down. And then there’s a ‘but’… Despite data showing people generally become happier again later in life, there’s a common belief that happiness will continue to decline as we age. So, for some people in their mid-40s, the thought that life might only get worse could contribute to a sense of ‘crisis’.
- While the U-shape of happiness is based on self-reported (so subjective) levels of satisfaction, a 2024 study from Stanford Medicine has shown that our bodies undergo dramatic changes around age 44 and again in the early 60s. Researchers found significant shifts in the molecules and bacteria within our bodies and on our skin. This suggests we’re going through profound biological changes just when we feel least satisfied in life, and again when we emerge from the happiness slump.
- Some researchers believe the midlife crisis is more of a social construct. The idea that you ‘should’ have a crisis in your 40s may lead people to feel like they’re having a breakdown. But not everyone experiences a midlife crisis. In fact, a national survey of Midlife in the United States found that 26% of the participants reported having a midlife crisis.
If you’re reading this, my guess is you (or someone close to you) belong to that 26%.
What is a midlife crisis?
- Midlife typically falls between the ages of 40 and 60, but at Midlife Crossroads Academy, we think midlife kicks off around 35 and can last until about 75—when you start getting called “old.” But that’s just a number, right?
- When people say they’re experiencing a midlife crisis, what they really mean is that they’re questioning their own identity and the meaning of life. They’re looking at where they’ve been and where they are now, and suddenly, things don’t feel quite as comfortable. They might feel like they haven’t ticked off all their life goals and time is ticking away.
- When does a midlife crisis start? This whole identity crisis tends to hit hardest between 35 and 55, though it can look different for men and women.
- The term “crisis” is a bit of a misnomer. A crisis is usually something that hits you hard and fast, and you’re left feeling helpless. Midlife, on the other hand, is more of a natural turning point. It’s your chance to reassess, realign, and find new opportunities for growth. But for simplicity’s sake, we’ll still call it a ‘midlife crisis’ here.
- How long does a midlife crisis last? Well, that depends. Some people find it relatively easy to come to terms with aging and related existential concerns, and breeze through it in weeks or months. Others might take a few years to sort things out. And here’s an interesting tidbit: people in their 20s often talk about going through a ‘quarter-life crisis.’ So, it seems like the whole identity-searching thing is more common than you might realise.
The 3 stages of a midlife crisis
As I mentioned earlier: a midlife crisis isn’t as dramatic as it’s sometimes portrayed. It’s really just a natural phase of self-reflection, often popping up when we hit our 40s or 50s. This period unfolds in three stages: the trigger, the search for meaning, and acceptance.
- The trigger
The first stage of a midlife crisis is the trigger — that moment or event that makes you stop and think. It could be anything from a milestone birthday, to a health scare, to your child leaving for college. These events can stir up feelings of unease or make you wonder if life is going exactly as you thought it would. It’s a wake-up call that says, “Hey, maybe it’s time to rethink things.” - The search for meaning
Once the trigger happens, many people go through a phase of questioning. You might wonder, “Have I made the right choices?” or “What do I want to do with the rest of my life?” This is the search for meaning — a period where you look for deeper fulfillment, often by exploring new hobbies or considering big life changes. It’s a time for rediscovery and figuring out what truly makes you happy. - Acceptance
Eventually, you move into the acceptance stage. This doesn’t mean giving up or resigning yourself to your past, but rather making peace with it. Acceptance is about feeling good about who you are now, recognising what you’ve achieved, and getting excited for what’s next. It’s about embracing change, not fearing it.
In the end, a midlife crisis is less about crisis and more about growth. It’s about understanding yourself better, finding new purpose, and enjoying life with fresh eyes.
2. Symptoms and signs of a midlife crisis
A ‘midlife crisis’ isn’t an official diagnosis, which makes it a tricky concept for researchers to pin down. There’s little agreement on what exactly constitutes a midlife crisis, and much of the research relies on individuals’ personal experiences. What one person sees as a crisis may look completely different to someone else. While many associate a midlife crisis with fears of mortality or a longing for youth, the emotions felt during this period are often similar to those experienced in any major life transition. In this chapter, we’ll dive into the common symptoms and signs of a midlife crisis, exploring how they manifest and what they might mean.
Gender can play a part in how a midlife crisis unfolds – but it would be stereotypical to claim that all women or all men experience the same signs. Regardless of who you are, it’s fair to say that a midlife crisis isn’t just about the tired clichés, such as buying a flashy car or running off with someone younger (though it can involve those things). It’s about coming to terms with the changes that life throws at us and making peace with the road ahead.
So, what exactly does a midlife crisis look like? If you or someone you know is in the thick of it, you may recognise some of these signs.
What does a midlife crisis feel like?
1. Deep sadness and regret
The first symptom is something I recognise all too well: being haunted by the “what ifs”. You know, the “What if I’d chosen a different career?” or “What if I’d taken that chance in that relationship?”
This sense of deep regret can lead to unhappiness with the present, especially if you focus on the things you haven’t done, rather than appreciating what you’ve accomplished. That’s when it’s easy to overlook the good things happening around you, from your career to your relationships. It’s like trying to enjoy a warm cup of coffee while scrolling through your social media feed and seeing everyone else’s “perfect” lives. The grass always seems greener, doesn’t it?
2. Restlessness and daydreaming
You might find yourself feeling like a hamster on a wheel—bored with the daily grind, whether it’s your work schedule, home life, or the same old routine. This restlessness could prompt you to daydream about what your life might look like if you’d made different choices—maybe a career change, moving to a new city, or even what it might have been like to marry someone else. This desire for change can make it difficult to focus on what’s right in front of you. You might even catch yourself zoning out in the middle of a conversation, lost in a thought about what could have been.
Daydreaming has been a part of me since my early teens. Over the years, I’ve crafted entire alternate lives in my mind. But since hitting my 40s, I’ve noticed how easily a word, a sound, or even a colour can whisk me away into a daydream. It happens so often that people have started commenting on it—they’ll be mid-conversation and suddenly notice my eyes glazing over as I drift off into my own little world. It can be a bit embarrassing when I have to ask them to repeat themselves after I snap back to reality.
3. Irritability
If you find yourself snapping at your partner for no real reason, or getting frustrated over small things like your kids leaving their dirty laundry around or your friends’ little quirks, it could be a sign of the midlife crisis blues. The feeling that your past decisions have boxed you in and limited your options can lead to bursts of irritability.
It’s as if all of a sudden, everything and everyone seems to annoy you—perhaps because you’re grappling with the feeling that life has become too predictable or too constricted. Although I need to point out that, for women, this feeling could also be related to the (peri)menopause.
4. Nostalgia
Ah, the good old days…
Maybe you find yourself reminiscing about the days when you were more active or your social life seemed endless. Instead of celebrating where you are now, you begin to idealise the past, thinking back to when you were younger and more carefree. You might start thinking, “I wish I had that energy again,” or “Remember when we used to party every weekend?” It’s natural to reflect on the past, but when nostalgia becomes a regular companion, it might be a sign of something more—a yearning for the vitality and freedom you once had, but now feel disconnected from.
5. Impulsive & indulgent behaviour
Now, this one can be a bit of a slippery slope. You might find yourself splurging on things you don’t really need—new clothes, fancy gadgets, or that shiny new car. Maybe you decide to book a spontaneous trip to somewhere exotic, even though you’ve got a full calendar of commitments at home. Or you’re making substantial life changes without giving them much thought, such as a career shift, relocating to a new place, or exploring new hobbies.
On the more indulgent side, some people find themselves turning to food, alcohol, or even substances to cope with feelings of discontentment. None of these actions really fill the void or make you feel better in the long run, but in the moment, they can offer a brief escape. Unfortunately, they also tend to have a few consequences, both financially and health-wise.
6. Changes in sexual desire
Sexual desire can take a bit of a detour during a midlife crisis. Some people experience a heightened libido, while others may find that their interest in intimacy drops.
It’s not just about physical attraction; there may be underlying insecurities about aging or the fear of growing distant from a partner. Thoughts about infidelity or even acting on those thoughts might pop up, especially if there’s a sense that you’re running out of time or options.
You might even entertain the idea of dating someone younger—whether as a way to feel younger or to prove that you still “have it.”
7. Changes in ambition
It’s either a sudden burst of ambition or a feeling of being stuck.
During a midlife crisis, some people experience a strong urge to make radical changes, like moving to a new city, buying a new home, or switching careers. It’s often driven by the belief that they can correct what they perceive as past mistakes.
On the flip side, you might also feel less motivated—questioning the point of all those goals you once worked towards, wondering if you’ve already missed your shot at greatness.
8. General feelings of unfulfillment
This is the classic ‘I thought I’d be further along by now’ feeling. Whether it’s in your job, relationships, or personal life, you might start feeling a sense of dissatisfaction, even if everything seems fine on the surface. There’s a nagging feeling that something is missing, or that you’re just going through the motions without any real purpose.
You might even start thinking, “Is this all there is?” The answer, of course, is yes and no—it’s just that you might be going through a phase where the meaning of it all feels a little elusive.
9. Mood swings and withdrawal
A midlife crisis often involves dramatic mood swings. One moment, you might feel motivated and excited about the future, and the next, you could feel down or depressed, as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
This can lead to withdrawing from your usual routines or social circles. You might stop going out with friends, pull away from family, or start neglecting work responsibilities. You feel like you need time to figure things out on your own, but that isolation can, unfortunately, make things worse.
10. Thinking about mortality
A big part of a midlife crisis is the dawning realisation that life isn’t infinite. Thoughts of death and the passing of time can feel more urgent and overwhelming. You might start thinking about how much time you have left to accomplish your dreams or if you’re living life to its fullest. This awareness of mortality can lead to both fear and reflection, making it hard to focus on the present because you’re too preoccupied with the future.
11. Concerns about how people perceive you
As you enter midlife, concerns about how others perceive you can become more prominent. Physical changes, like wrinkles or grey hair, may make you more self-conscious and lead to behaviours such as losing weight or wearing more provocative clothing. But it’s not just about appearance. You might question whether your career, relationships or life choices live up to others’ expectations. This could even lead to insecurity and lack of self-esteem, especially as you compare yourself to others or to your younger self.
What is the difference between midlife crisis and depression?
A midlife crisis and depression may seem similar, but there are key differences between the two. Understanding these differences can help determine whether you’re experiencing a passing phase or a more persistent mental health condition.
| Aspect | Depression | Midlife crisis |
|---|---|---|
| Diagnosis | Diagnosable mood disorder with established criteria | Not a recognised medical condition |
| Age Group | Can occur at any age, including teens and older adults | Primarily occurs in middle adulthood (40-60 years) |
| Causes | Caused by a mix of biological, psychological, and social factors | Triggered by reevaluating life and aging |
| Symptoms | Persistent and severe; can last for weeks, months, or longer | Restlessness, dissatisfaction, a desire for change |
| Treatment | Includes therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes | Requires introspection, life reassessment and renewed sense of direction |
| Duration | Symptoms are long-lasting and consistent | May come and go depending on life events and mindset |
The key differences are:
- Duration: Depression tends to be long-lasting and more intense, affecting daily life. Whereas a midlife crisis can come in waves and may go away once you find peace with your life choices.
- Symptoms: Both conditions can involve sadness, dissatisfaction and self-reflection, but depression can lead to deep emotional lows and loss of interest in life A midlife crisis often revolves around questioning life choices and searching for purpose.
- Treatment and recovery: Depression typically requires professional treatment, including therapy and medication. A midlife crisis can often be resolved through introspection, coaching, lifestyle changes, or acceptance of aging.
Some people may experience depression during midlife and refer to their depressive state as their midlife crisis. There are some worrisome trends. American women between the ages of 40 and 59 have the highest rates of depression (12.3%) of any group based on age and gender, according to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention. Suicide rates are highest during middle age—particularly among white men. People between the ages of 45 and 54 are more likely to die by suicide than any other age group.
It can be hard to distinguish between a midlife crisis and depression, especially when symptoms overlap. If you’re struggling with prolonged feelings of sadness, lack of motivation, or self-doubt, it’s important to speak with a healthcare provider to get the support you need.
What is the difference between midlife crisis and burnout?
While a midlife crisis and burnout may look similar from the outside—cue the existential questions and overall exhaustion—they stem from different causes and require different solutions. Here’s how you can tell them apart.
| Aspect | Burnout | Midlife crisis |
|---|---|---|
| Root Cause | Caused by chronic stress, often work-related | Triggered by reevaluating life, achievements, and ageing |
| Timing | Can occur at any age, especially in high-stress environments | Occurs during middle adulthood (typically 40-60 years) |
| Focus | External: Overwhelmed by responsibilities and pressures | Internal: Reflecting on life’s purpose and personal fulfilment |
| Symptoms | Exhaustion, cynicism, reduced performance | Restlessness, dissatisfaction, a desire for change |
| Treatment | Requires rest, boundaries, and stress management | Requires introspection, life reassessment and renewed sense of direction |
| Duration | Persists until the stressor is removed or managed | May come and go depending on life events and mindset |
The key differences are:
- What’s driving it: A midlife crisis is more about what’s going on in your head—“Am I living my best life?”—while burnout is about the external world overwhelming you—“I can’t keep up anymore!”
- Emotional state: In a midlife crisis, you might feel restless, nostalgic, or tempted to overhaul your life completely. With burnout, it’s sheer exhaustion—mentally, emotionally, and physically—coupled with a sense of being stuck.
- How to fix it: A midlife crisis often resolves with reflection and pursuing what genuinely matters to you. Burnout, on the other hand, demands a break, proper boundaries, and maybe a reality check on your workload.
If you’re struggling to distinguish between feeling existential or just plain exhausted, take a step back. Persistent symptoms like constant fatigue, pessimism, or difficulty coping may point to burnout. If that’s you, please talk to someone—a friend, therapist, or even your GP.
You don’t have to tackle challenges such as depression or burnout alone.
3. Causes of a midlife crisis
Let’s start with this: not every culture has a concept of a midlife crisis—or even of midlife itself. In Western society, however, there’s a deeply ingrained narrative about this life stage.
Youth is glorified, ageing is demonised, and the message is loud and clear: growing older means losing relevance, attractiveness, and value.
Think about it: advertisements for anti-aging products flood your screens, promising to banish wrinkles and grey hairs as if they’re a moral failing. This constant negativity can chip away at your self-esteem, making midlife seem less like a natural stage of life and more like a downhill slide into irrelevance. Add to that a tendency to see aging as synonymous with senility or frailty, and you’ve got a recipe for existential dread.
But midlife doesn’t have to be the beginning of the end. It can be a turning point—a chance to reassess, reimagine, and refocus. Still, for many, cultural baggage triggers feelings of despair, setting the stage for what’s popularly called a midlife crisis.
Reasons for a midlife crisis
While cultural pressures might spark the flames, the fire often spreads due to real-life changes and challenges. Let’s break them down:
1. Physical changes
Ah, the joys of aging. Midlife often brings a host of unwelcome physical surprises. Maybe your knees creak when you stand up, or you’ve got new aches and pains that weren’t in the user manual. For women, menopause introduces a medley of symptoms, from hot flashes to sleep disturbances, adding a layer of stress. Men, meanwhile, may experience a gradual drop in testosterone, which can lead to fatigue, lower libido, or even mood swings. Throw in a few more wrinkles and the occasional “senior moment,” and it’s no wonder people start questioning their vitality.
But here’s the thing: these changes are entirely normal. They’re a sign you’ve been living life—and that’s not something to shy away from.
2. Changes in family dynamics
Midlife is often a time of shifting roles in the family. For parents, the once-bustling household might grow quieter as children leave the nest. Empty nest syndrome, as it’s called, can leave you wondering who you are when you’re not busy being a parent.
At the same time, your parents might be ageing too. Taking on the role of caregiver can be both physically and emotionally draining. And if a parent passes away, it can be a profound reminder of your own mortality.
For others, midlife might bring relationship upheaval, such as divorce. Ending a long-term partnership can stir up feelings of failure, sadness, or confusion—especially if children are involved. The emotional strain of these family shifts can contribute to the sense of crisis.
3. Major life events
Beyond family, midlife is often marked by pivotal life events. A job loss, career plateau, or even a long-awaited promotion can spark questions about your identity and purpose. Are you happy in your work? Have you achieved what you set out to do?
On average, people change careers at around 39, according to a 2019 survey. Whether by choice or necessity, this kind of transition can be stressful. Even staying in the same job might bring new challenges—like increased responsibilities in senior roles or the monotony of tasks that no longer excite you.
4. Identity questions
Midlife is prime time for an existential reckoning. Questions about impact, relevance, legacy, and whether you’ve made the right choices often bubble up. If your work doesn’t feel fulfilling or your personal relationships are lacking, these questions can become all-consuming. For many, this is a time to reflect on whether they’ve spent too much time pleasing others and not enough on their own goals and dreams.
It’s also common to revisit paths not taken—careers you didn’t pursue, dreams you put on hold. Some people regret not doing more, while others scramble to achieve something big before it’s ‘too late.’
5. Changes in financial situation
Midlife often comes with financial shifts. Perhaps you’re helping to support ageing parents or grown children, both of which can strain your bank account. Job changes, career shifts, or even layoffs can add uncertainty, making you feel as though your financial footing is shakier than it should be at this stage of life.
On the flip side, some find themselves with greater financial stability but struggle with how to use it meaningfully. After all, no amount of money can resolve deeper questions about purpose and fulfilment.
No amount of money can resolve deeper questions about purpose and fulfilment
At its core, a midlife crisis often begins with the realisation of your own mortality. Add to this the pressure of societal expectations—what you should have accomplished by now—and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But, if you’re staring down the barrel of a midlife crisis, remember: it’s not the end of the story. It’s simply the beginning of the next chapter. And it might just be your best one yet.
4. Positive aspects of a midlife crisis
Midlife often gets a bad rap – I’ve written about that before. It’s painted as a chaotic and disorienting time, complete with existential dread and plenty of grey hairs.
But let’s flip the script for a moment. What if a midlife crisis wasn’t just about the downsides? What if it could be a catalyst for growth, creativity, and self-discovery?
After all, as Elliot Jaques, -he of the term ‘midlife crisis-, pointed out, this stage of life isn’t just about danger—it’s also brimming with opportunity.
Here’s why a midlife crisis might just be the plot twist your life story needed.
A new wave of curiosity
A 2016 study published in the International Journal of Behavioural Development discovered an unexpected silver lining to midlife (or any life) crisis: curiosity. While the experience of a crisis can bring distress and uncertainty, it also opens the door to enhanced curiosity about yourself and the world. This openness to new ideas, born out of questioning old patterns, can lead to personal breakthroughs.
Think of it this way: when life as you know it starts to feel shaky, you’re forced to reassess. In the process, you might find yourself exploring new interests, meeting new people, or pursuing opportunities you’d never considered before. Whether it’s finally signing up for that painting class or travelling to a place you’ve always dreamed of, curiosity can spark creativity and innovation, helping you find joy in unexpected places.
A deep dive into self-awareness
The middle years are often a time for reflection. You may find yourself asking, “Who am I really?” or “What do I truly want out of life?” While these questions can be daunting, they’re also incredibly liberating. A midlife crisis often invites you to examine your values, priorities, and goals—and the answers can lead to a more authentic version of yourself.
Jaques described midlife as a period of deepening self-awareness and understanding. This newfound clarity can bring a sense of purpose and direction. Sure, it might mean making a few changes—like pivoting in your career or ending relationships that no longer serve you—but those shifts can pave the way for a more meaningful life.
Opportunities for growth and change
Midlife is often described as a time of transition, but it’s also a time of growth. The challenges you face—whether it’s an empty nest, career stagnation, or physical changes—can push you out of your comfort zone. And growth, as uncomfortable as it might feel in the moment, is almost always worth it.
This stage of life can also provide stability. By midlife, you likely have a better understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t. Armed with this knowledge, you’re better equipped to make decisions that align with your true self, rather than societal expectations or outdated ambitions.
Creative solutions to life’s challenges
As distressing as a midlife crisis might seem, it often encourages problem-solving and resourcefulness. The dissatisfaction you feel might inspire you to find creative solutions to your problems. For example, if your career feels stagnant, you might explore a passion project or finally start that business you’ve always dreamed of. If your personal relationships feel unfulfilling, you might seek out new connections or work to strengthen the ones you already have.
Creativity thrives on change, and a midlife crisis often brings plenty of that. By embracing the opportunities that come with this phase, you might find yourself living a more vibrant and fulfilling life.
The joy of reinvention
One of the most exciting aspects of a midlife crisis is the chance to reinvent yourself. Whether it’s starting a new career, picking up a new hobby, or simply redefining your role in your family or community, midlife is a time when reinvention becomes not just possible, but empowering.
By midlife, you’ve likely gained a wealth of experience and wisdom. Now is the perfect time to put that to use in ways that bring you joy.
Think of this stage as a second act—a chance to write the next chapter of your life with intention and creativity
A time for gratitude
Finally, midlife can also be a time to appreciate what you’ve achieved so far. Sure, it’s easy to focus on what you haven’t done or the goals you’ve yet to accomplish, but midlife is also a good moment to take stock of your victories, big and small. Maybe you’ve managed to carve out some weekly me-time in your family calendar, or you’ve delivered a speech despite your fear of public speaking. Maybe you’ve earned a degree, run a marathon, paid off your debt or made a difference to someone’s life. Try to appreciate each and every one of these achievements.
By shifting your focus to gratitude, you can reframe your midlife crisis as an opportunity to celebrate how far you’ve come—and to look forward to what’s still ahead.
While a midlife crisis might feel like an unwelcome guest at first, it can also be a powerful force for good. It’s a time to reflect, grow, and embrace the curiosity that comes with change. Far from signalling the end, midlife can be the beginning of a richer, more meaningful chapter in your life.
So, the next time you feel those midlife jitters creeping in, take a deep breath. You’re not just in crisis—you’re in transition. And with the right mindset, that transition can be an incredible opportunity to thrive.
5. How to overcome a midlife crisis
Midlife can feel like a giant question mark, but a midlife crisis is actually a great opportunity for self-discovery and reinvention. It’s not about fixing something that’s broken, it’s about evolving into a more authentic version of yourself. So, how do you move forward with purpose and joy? Here are five tips to help you embrace midlife.
TIP #1: Find meaning and purpose
The meaning of life can feel elusive, but breaking it down into three main elements—belonging, purpose, and transcendence—can make it more digestible. These are the ingredients that give us a sense of connection, direction, and something larger than ourselves.
- Belonging: This is all about human connection. At midlife, it’s easy to feel like you’ve outgrown certain friendships or that your social circle has shrunk. But belonging isn’t just about being surrounded by people—it’s about being surrounded by the right people.
Julia, a recently divorced teacher, found a new sense of community by starting a book club. “I wasn’t sure anyone would be interested at first, but now it’s something I look forward to every week. I’ve made new friends, and it’s like we’re all in this together,” she says.
- Purpose: A sense of purpose gives you something to strive for. It doesn’t need to be grandiose or world-changing; it just needs to be meaningful to you.
David retired early and, for a while, felt adrift. But when he found a way to channel his love for gardening into a community initiative, everything clicked. “The neighbourhood garden is more than just flowers—it’s a way to give back, to create something lasting. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning.”
- Transcendence: This is about connecting with something greater than yourself, whether that’s through spirituality, creativity, or nature.
Priya, a busy mother of two, found transcendence through a local meditation group. “It started as a way to calm my anxiety, but now I see it as a way to reconnect with my inner self. It’s made me more patient, more present,” she explains.
The bottom line? Find what resonates with you, and don’t be afraid to reinvent your sense of belonging and purpose as you move through life
If you need help building purpose in life, Midlife Crossroads Academy can help. Find out how here!
TIP #2: Learn to deal with change
Change is inevitable, but how you respond to it can make all the difference. Instead of resisting change, which often leads to stress, try accepting it as a natural part of life. This mindset shift will help you navigate midlife transitions more smoothly.
At midlife, you may face a range of changes: kids leaving home, career shifts, personal transformations. While it’s easy to panic and try to control every detail, the reality is that change often offers new opportunities if you’re open to them.
- Mark, for example, faced an ‘empty nest’ when his kids went off to university. Initially, he felt lost and unsure of how to fill the space they left behind. But instead of focusing on the silence, Mark decided to channel his energy into solo hiking trips: “At first, I was terrified—I’d never camped alone before. But once I got the hang of it, I realised that I loved the peace and the challenge. It gave me space to reflect on my life and my goal.”
- My friend Claire’s story is another testament to how embracing change can lead to unexpected growth. After finding herself unexpectedly single at 49, Claire initially struggled with feelings of loneliness. But she didn’t let that stop her. She started journaling every morning to process her emotions. “I realised that being single wasn’t a sentence; it was an opportunity to focus on myself. Now, I’m happier than ever,” she says.
Learning to cope with change means realising that every ending can be the beginning of something new. So, don’t shy away from life’s inevitable twists and turns—embrace them.
TIP #3: Set achievable goals
One of the most powerful ways to move past a midlife crisis is to set clear, achievable goals. But let’s be real: we’ve all made the mistake of setting overly ambitious goals that we never follow through on. So, the key is to keep things realistic.
Think about your goals in terms of small, actionable steps. This makes them feel more manageable and less overwhelming. Instead of aiming for the whole mountain, focus on climbing one small hill at a time.
- Hassan, for example, had always dreamed of writing a novel, but the idea of writing a 300-page book felt daunting. So, he started small: “I committed to writing 500 words a day before work, no matter what. Some days it was hard, but eventually, I had enough to start piecing together a story.” A year later, he’d finished his first draft and self-published his book, which received glowing reviews from readers.
- Rosa had similar success with her fitness goals. She’d tried numerous times to get in shape but would always quit after a couple of weeks. This time, she made a more realistic plan. “I started walking 10,000 steps a day, and it became a habit. Six months later, I ran my first 5K. It was a huge achievement, and it gave me the motivation to keep going.”
Setting achievable goals helps you build momentum and creates a sense of accomplishment. It’s the secret sauce for staying motivated throughout the midlife transition.
TIP #4: Prioritise self-care
Self-care has become a bit of a buzzword, but it’s so much more than face masks and bubble baths.
True self-care means intentionally carving out time for activities that nurture your mind, body, and soul.
In midlife, our bodies change, our priorities shift, and the pressure to keep up with everything can feel overwhelming. But when we neglect self-care, we run the risk of burning out. That’s why it’s crucial to prioritise your well-being.
- Sophie, for example, struggled with insomnia and found that it was affecting her health and relationships. She knew she needed to make a change, so she started prioritising sleep. “I stopped using screens after 9 pm and developed a bedtime routine that included herbal tea and a good book. It wasn’t instant, but now I sleep at least 6 hours straight every night,” she says. It might not seem like a lot, but to her it was a game-changer.
- Gareth discovered yoga in his 50s after years of suffering from back pain. “I’d always thought of yoga as simple breathing exercises, but I was so wrong. when I tried it, I was hooked. It helped me with my pain, but it also gave me a mental clarity I didn’t expect. Plus, I’m the most flexible guy in my football team now!”
Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Make it a regular part of your routine, and you’ll feel the benefits in every area of your life.
TIP #5: Remember life is expanding, not shrinking
One of the most common misconceptions about midlife is that it’s all downhill from here. But in reality, life is about expanding, not shrinking. You don’t have to retreat into your comfort zone—instead, you can push your boundaries and embrace new experiences.
Midlife is the perfect time to rediscover old passions or dive into new ones. Whether it’s picking up an instrument, learning a new language, or taking on a creative project, life is still full of possibilities.
- Linda, for example, downsized her home and found herself with more time on her hands. Rather than succumbing to the ‘empty nest syndrome,’ she enrolled in a French pastry-making course. “I always wanted to learn how to make croissants, and now I’m the proud owner of the best pastries in town!” she laughs.
- Joe, in his 60s, discovered a new passion for astronomy. “I’d always been fascinated by the stars, but it wasn’t until midlife that I had the time to really dive into it. Now, I’m learning how to identify constellations, and I even built my own telescope,” he says.
Our mission at Midlife Crossroads Academy is to help you embrace your midlife journey with curiosity and excitement – and that’s exactly what these 5 tips are about. Midlife is not a crisis— it’s a time to expand, explore, and discover what’s still out there for you. Don’t let society’s narrative of ‘shrinking’ get in the way of your personal growth.
6. How to help a partner with a midlife crisis
Supporting a partner through a midlife crisis isn’t exactly something they hand out instructions for, is it? It can feel like you’re stuck in the passenger seat, watching as your partner goes through some big changes. You might find yourself asking, “What happened to the person I married?” or wondering if you’ve somehow contributed to their unhappiness. And, let’s face it, you might even worry that this whole thing might shake up your relationship. But fear not! There are ways you can help, and you don’t need a degree in psychology to do it.
1. Listen without judging
The first thing you can do when your partner is in the middle of a midlife crisis is listen. Really listen. They might come to you with all sorts of feelings – regret about not doing things they wanted to in life, frustration with family dynamics, or even some dissatisfaction about their job. Your role here? Be a sounding board. Let them get it all off their chest without jumping in with “solutions” or “You should…” advice.
Sometimes, all your partner needs is someone who can listen without judgement, someone who lets them vent. So, resist the urge to ‘fix’ everything. Just hear them out and let them know you’re there for them.
2. Be ready for relationship changes
A midlife crisis tends to stir the pot, and that might mean your relationship starts to look a little different. Your partner might suggest trying something new in the bedroom, or maybe they want to make a financial decision that seems a bit out of the blue. You could find yourself thinking, “Wait, is this still the person I married?” But don’t panic! This is just part of their process of trying to reimagine life.
Instead of freaking out, try to stay open-minded. If your partner wants to try something new, whether it’s a change in intimacy or a big financial move, approach it with a “let’s talk about it” attitude. Compromise is key here. Your relationship might evolve, but if you both communicate openly, you’ll make it work.
3. Keep an eye out for depression
Now, here’s where things get a little trickier. While a midlife crisis can look like a bunch of soul-searching, sometimes it’s more than that. If your partner is showing signs of depression—like trouble sleeping, irritability, or a lack of interest in things they usually enjoy—it could be more than just a crisis. It might be worth suggesting they chat with a professional.
But don’t jump straight into “you need therapy” mode. Instead, say something like, “I’ve noticed you seem really down lately. Do you think talking to someone could help?” This way, you’re showing concern without pushing too hard.
Sometimes, a little nudge in the right direction is all they need to start feeling better.
4. Spend quality time together
When your partner is going through a tough time, it’s easy for you to feel disconnected. But this is also an opportunity to bond. Try to spend more time together doing things that promote self-care—whether that’s going on bike rides, cooking healthy meals, or simply getting outdoors for a walk.
If they’re exploring new hobbies, be open to joining them. Or, if they’d prefer some alone time, respect that. The point is to show up in their life, whether it’s tagging along or simply offering support from a distance. The more you connect over these new ventures, the stronger your relationship will be.
5. Affirm their success and appreciate them
A midlife crisis can make people feel like they’ve missed the boat on something. But you can help your partner see all the amazing things they’ve accomplished! We’ve mentioned this before: take the time to celebrate their wins, no matter how big or small.
If your partner has excelled in their career or has been managing new responsibilities like a champ, point it out! “I love how you handled that presentation at work,” or “You’ve been doing such a great job taking care of things at home.” A little affirmation goes a long way in boosting their confidence.
It’s easy to lose sight of your achievements when you’re in the midst of self-reflection.
Helping your partner through a midlife crisis doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. It’s about being there for them, offering support, and giving them the space to figure things out. With a little patience and a lot of love, you’ll both come out of this stronger than ever. Just remember: the best thing you can do is to be a steady hand on their shoulder as they navigate this new chapter. Who knows? You might even end up with a stronger relationship than before.
Midlife can feel like a storm rolling in out of nowhere, leaving you disoriented and wondering how you got here. But as we’ve explored, it’s also a chance to pause, reflect, and reshape your life in meaningful ways. Personally, I’ve spent almost 25 years climbing the corporate ladder, only to realise that I wasn’t happy. It sparked a new chapter. I left my job, started Midlife Crossroads Academy, and found purpose in helping others thrive in midlife.
My personal story and the stories of many others show that midlife isn’t just about what’s behind you; it’s about what’s still to come. Yes, it’s messy and unpredictable, but it’s also full of opportunities to rewrite your story. So, if you’re feeling stuck, remember this: midlife isn’t the beginning of the end. It’s the beginning of what could be your best chapter yet. And if you’re looking for help or guidance, you know where to find Midlife Crossroads Academy.
