Setting new goals can be exciting. There’s something energising about mapping out a new direction for your life, especially in midlife, when you want the next chapter to truly matter.
But what happens when you don’t know what you want?
What if you’re standing at a crossroads — unsure, a bit stuck, and maybe even feeling the pressure to “figure it all out”?
You’re not alone.
As a midlife coach, I’ve worked with many people who feel exactly this way. They want change, but they’re not sure where to begin. My job isn’t to tell them what to do — I don’t believe anyone else can decide what you should do with your life. My role is to guide you as you start uncovering what you really want, so you can start moving in that direction.
And here’s what I want you to know from the start:
- It’s perfectly OK if you don’t have a clear vision.
- It’s OK to feel unsure.
- It’s even OK to change your mind.
Let’s look at five practical steps to help you set meaningful goals — even when you don’t have all the answers yet.
1. Shorten the timeframe to reduce pressure
Being asked “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” can feel completely overwhelming in midlife, especially if you’re already feeling a little uncertain about your future.
So instead of trying to plan the next decade, bring it closer to home.
What do you want the next six months to look like? Or even the next 30 days?
Not everyone is wired for long-term planning, and that’s absolutely fine. If you’re multi-passionate or someone who tends to pivot and change directions often, then short-term goals might suit you better. And if you feel like your life path isn’t clearly defined right now, don’t force yourself into clarity you’re not ready for.
Focus on what feels aligned right now. Allow yourself to evolve. That’s the beauty of midlife: you get to redefine things on your terms.
2. Start with what you don’t want
If you’re not sure what you want, start with what you know you don’t want.
Think about the things in your life that drain your energy, frustrate you, or simply don’t feel right anymore. What parts of your job do you dread? Are there habits you’ve outgrown? Are there relationships that leave you feeling flat or exhausted?
Go deeper: What self-talk holds you back? What fears or insecurities keep you stuck?
Write them all down. No need to overthink it — just get it on paper.
Then look for patterns. What’s this list telling you? What are you tolerating that needs to go?
Once you’ve identified the unwanted stuff, choose two or three simple actions you can take to reduce or remove those things from your life. That’s already a step towards a clearer, more intentional future.
3. Now make a list of what you do like
Next, flip the script.
What do you enjoy in your current life? What habits, routines, people or activities light you up?
List the moments that bring you a sense of peace, joy, purpose, or fulfilment — no matter how small. A weekly walk with a friend, your morning coffee ritual, a certain type of work task that makes you lose track of time.
These are powerful clues. Look at the list and ask yourself:
- What do I want more of?
- How can I create more space for this in my life?
Small adjustments based on what you already enjoy can lead to surprisingly big shifts in direction.
4. Pay attention to what you secretly admire in others
Be honest: is there someone whose life you quietly envy?
Do you admire people who’ve started over in midlife, started a podcast, gone back to school, or packed up and travelled the world?
If so, don’t brush those feelings aside.
Make a list of the things you admire in others — especially the ones you feel a little nervous to admit to yourself. These often point to unspoken dreams or suppressed desires.
Once you’ve got your list, look for themes.
What is it about these lives or achievements that appeals to you? Is it freedom, creativity, adventure, purpose?
This exercise isn’t about comparison — it’s about clarity. These secret admirations are signposts towards what you value and desire.
5. If anything were possible, what would you choose?
Here’s a powerful question I ask my clients: If anything were possible, what would you choose?
Forget practicality. Forget whether it’s too late. Just let yourself dream.
Most people I work with do know what they want deep down. They’ve just buried it under layers of fear, self-doubt, or a belief that they’ve missed their chance.
Whether your dream is to write a book, start a business, go back to university, or live by the sea — your desire matters. Someone out there has already done the thing you want to do. If they could do it, why not you?
Get curious. What goal would make you feel alive again? What would give you goosebumps just thinking about it?
Here’s my final thought for this blog post: you don’t need all the answers to start.
If you’re feeling unsure about your future, that doesn’t mean you’re lost. It just means you’re in the process of becoming — and that’s a beautiful place to be.
Start where you are. Use these small, honest steps to build clarity.
And remember: the goal isn’t perfection or certainty — it’s movement.
